A New Game
Last night I had the weirdest dream. There were about six men fighting with each other while they simultaneously chased me. They ran after me with weapons raised. They were angry, fierce and relentless in their pursuit.
At one point, one of the men grabbed me and dug his thumb horrendously deep into the side of my kidney. It became so tender and painful and was like nothing I had ever felt before. I collapsed and cried from the pain.
Looking back at this dream I am surprised to remember that the primary feeling of it wasn't fear as I might expect, it was exhaustion. I was just SO tired.
In the dream it was obvious that the whole chase was just a game for the men. They were laughing at me as if it was all very funny. However for me, it wasn’t funny at all. I simply had no energy. Running around in a state of activation for a long period of time, I was completely out of gas.
Finally, I begged the men to stop. I told them how tired I was and that I needed to rest.
I woke up in the middle of the night and it was obvious to me the feelings I had been having in the dream are what I have been feeling in my life. The truth is that I AM tired. I have been feeling overwhelmed and anxious in my everyday life.
Whether true or not, I have felt like it has been starting to take a toll on my adrenals and kidneys as I push through the exhaustion to keep up with the busyness of my life.
Perhaps this dream was trying to show me how I've been letting the masculine parts of myself run the show. It offered insight into the way that the feminine part of me is tired and desperately needs to slow down. It was highlighting the ways that this way of playing the game, isn't fun or healthy anymore.
I imagine I'm not the only woman who has felt this way. Trying to juggle all of the demands of modern life and still stay relaxed and in touch with our feminine nature is not easy.
For me, I have to start small. I have to commit to taking better care of myself in little ways, every day. My intention today is to try to remember to consciously breathe more consistently than I have been. I want to continue to open to the subtle vibration of grace that is always around us, and always available to us, even in the midst of the busyness.
Rather than just having it be a nice idea, I am ready to take my practice off my mat and into my daily life for real.
Moment by moment, breath by breath, it’s a new game now.