42 Days of Vulnerability

Today is my 42nd birthday and I am officially tired of all of my excuses for holding back.  I've decided this year to make a commitment to do something thatI've always wanted to do and have always been too afraid. 

I have been trying to write a regular blog for several years now.  Every morning I wake up with a head full of ideas begging to be put on paper that I somehow find thousands of excuses to ignore.  “I’m too busy, I have to get the kids to school, who would want to read what I write anyway?”   Yet, the desire persists.

Sounds so simple, so obvious, and so easy.  So why does the thought of revealing what goes on in my inner world absolutely terrify me? The truth is I am afraid that I won’t be good enough.  That deep inside something is fundamentally wrong with me and once people see that, they won’t like me.

The irony is that I am constantly inviting my students and clients to embrace all of their imperfections.  I encourage them to see their vulnerability not as a problem to be fixed but part of their deepest strength. I remind them that often, their deepest wounds hide their greatest gifts. 

I wonder, how can I continue to take others to their edge if I'm not willing to go there myself? Isn’t it time that I practice what I teach and stop holding back out of fear?

I've heard it said that it takes 40 days to start a new habit.  I am committing to writing every day for the next 42 days, one for each year I have circled the sun.  

I'm not promising that what I write will be profound, meaningful or enlightening in any way.  I am not even suggesting that anyone needs to read it.  This is merely a statement of my intention to call forth all that is inside me.  It is an experiment in living at my edge and taking the risk to see and be seen.

Kirsten Warner